Thoughts from a Weird, Strange, Funny Girl
People in life are always going to judge you. They are going to judge you by the way you look. They are going to judge what you say. They will judge you by what you DON’T say. People in life are going to hate or love you for who you are so why does it seem logical, in any sense to listen to those other people? Two words… IT DOESN’T!
Here’s the thing, I knew bringing up the past was going to upset people. I knew people were going to roll their eyes at me and make really insulting comments. Especially ones like “oh god why is she still harping on that issue? Clearly the woman is crae crae!” But you know what? No it isn’t. We are all aloud to deal and process whatever is disturbing us in whatever reality that each of us sees fit. That itself I think bothers people.
I can only talk about issues as I understand them. I talk about issues that I have kept repressed and have bothered me and heal the only way I know how. And that bothers people. I want to get loud with it. I need to put myself publically out there to heal. I am not expecting any reconciliation back but, if by slim chance, one of the blog posts I made resonates with one of the people who I am talking about and wants to talk to me about it, all the better!
This is not by at all means an attention seeking blog post, like I said several blog posts ago in Nostalgic for Disaster. If anything I feel as if I have for the first time in years feeling genuinely happy. I am being honest with myself and what I need. And in turn… ask and you shall receive! And what I’ve been needing is inner peace and acceptance to questions I will never get closer on.
You can live a bitter miserable existence for years, repressing your feelings, lying that you are “over something” when in reality you aren’t. It will just sit there and fester and turn you bitter and cynical and into just this dark person. Or you can deal with your problems and move on. I choose the later. I didn’t for so long because of being scared of what people would say. She’s crazy, is the number one I worried about. So what?! Is now the answer I want to reply what. So what?! Is what I want to shout into people’s faces. If in the end I find a way to make peace with myself, and that makes me crazy, then so what?!!!!
This latest (and in my mind probably last past blast blog) is still fresh and I knew it would sting people the hardest but for me it is an issue that I feel that has finally healed. I actually do feel ready (st least for now) to move on and talk about other things. Mainly I am mostly interested in writing about being fat, what it is like to be fat and the food industry. Its a completely different ball game. No I do not want to be stuck in my past wallowing over things I can’t control. If I were to keep harping over the same issue over and over again, the same wrongs by the same people then yes, I would be crae crae. But I’m not. So haters, you were always going to hate and like Sara Bareilles says, “say what you wanna say, I wanna see you be brave!”