Thoughts from a Weird, Strange, Funny Girl
Happiness… how does one come by it? And what does it mean to be happy? What defines it?
Honestly, I am not going to answer any of those questions. Why? Because there isn’t one. At least I don’t believe so. What’s funny is those sentences sound so cynical and depressing when in actuality, I am pretty damn happy. I can try to explain why, but I don’t think it is something everyone, or maybe even anyone, will understand.
So here’s the thing, I think its been pretty obvious that for longer than I’d like to admit, I’ve been stuck in a funk. I’m still not completely out of one either is the thing but… I’m happier than I’ve been in ages. Let me try to explain why.
One. Forgiving yourself. There are a ton of things I still feel angry and guilty about but, I’ve found ways to make peace with it. Mostly by writing but after I write, to really mean what I say and let it go. For instance one of the final blogs I need to publish is about my ex. There are a million things I have been torturing myself about thoughts of him and the past lately and I keep pushing it back. Some to play the martyr but mostly because I haven’t been ready to square off with it in the face and deal with it. And even after that I am almost positive other issues will pop up, like daisies! But other than that, every thing I’ve written about I’ve found a way to forgive myself and let go. And the best part of forgiveness? It can be contagious! (In a very good way!) Once you are ready to embrace forgiveness and accept love, (first for yourself) you are ready to let other people in your life and let other wounds heal you didn’t even know you forgave! Like my family! I still have a long way to go to reconnect with every on but I am slowly making my way down my mom’s side of the family. Each and every person means something to me now. They mean something to me now. I don’t want to push any of them away any more. So while I have a lot of issues like this to deal with, finding ways to forgive and let love in is key to happiness.
Two. Having a support group. This is a tricky thing to explain and sort of goes with #1. There is a fine line between overly needy and having support. But I do believe a key to happiness is having a positive outlet. Having deep conversations has been mine. Listening too. I find I am ten times happier having a conversation with people who mean something to me and make me feel good about myself than any thing I have ever experienced. A good laugh too. Just finding ways to be with people you love and bring that smile to your face but also listen.
Three. And finally, Being passionate about something. I am the world’s worst procrastinator most of the time and I get all these big dreams and talk more of a big game than I actually am but I mean everything I say! Sure I may not be as ahead of my writing as I’d like to be or go on that ten mile hike because I’m feeling insecure but… in my head I’m doing all those things and more! I am dreaming about doing them and trying not to give up or let my insecurities get in the way.
I still have a really long journey to travel, and yes I will probably mess up along the way but in the end, you are the only person who can get in the way of their own happiness. Only you can let yourself get in your own way or be miserable.
“Yes the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run away from it or you can learn from it.”