Portlands Funny Girl

Thoughts from a Weird, Strange, Funny Girl

It’s Just Something You Feel

Once upon a time, in a land far away known as high school, I was sitting in a chair when my English- French-History teachers aide sat down next to me. I should like to clarify now that I went to an alternative school where we called all our teachers by their first name,  sat on couches and was a small school K-12 school and many of the teachers taught similar subjects. It was by no random  circumstances a hippy school and we loved it. Anyway, I digress. My teachers assistant was a woman in her mid twenties, bespectacled, and bald. I was sitting at a table working on a poem when she sat down next to me and asked

“Sarah, how do you get yourself out of a mad mood when you are in one?”
I put down my pen and paused for a moment to think. And then I answered, “I don’t know, I think it’s just something you have to go through?”
“How do you mean?”
“Well,” I started, trying to explain myself, “If you’re in a bad mood, you just need to go through it. I like music a lot personally, especially if I’m sad. I just listen to it until you realize one moment, your not sad anymore. The lyrics don’t apply to what I’m feeling and then I become happy again once I hear a song I love.”
“Huh,” she said. “That’s actually really helpful!” Then she got up and walked back to her desk.

I’m not really sure why she asked me that, maybe it was something she was going through and I looked like the type of person who would know, as I would find out many times over the years later when people would continually ask me how I keep such a happy disposition. The irony is also not lost on me as I would read very nearly the exact same sentiment years later in the Chronicles of Narnina… minus of course the bit about the music. In one of the later books, (five I think?) there is a mention how a good cry is alright to have but eventually you have to stop. It isn’t exactly the same thing but I digress.

This moment popped into my head one afternoon on the way to work. It was such a nice, warm, sunny day and I caught myself feeling in a blissfully  happy moment. It was as I was pressing the cross walk button and waiting for the light to turn when that memory appeared. I was listening to the Disney station on Pandora and it was playing “For the First time in Forver” from the movie Frozen and I was tapping my foot along to the pavement trying not to burst out in song and look like another weirdo from Portland. And the truth is… I was just happy. I didn’t have a reason or an explanation it was just… something I felt.

Its those types of moments where I wish I felt more and wanted to be. And I think I felt that way because the day before I had written about something difficult (the roommates) and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. In fact I haven’t really thought much about them or that issue ever since. Maybe it’s because I have finally found a way to let go of my burdens, my guilt and my fear instead of hiding it all away. And for me, writing about it does that for me. Who knows, I just know sometimes it’s just something you feel.

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This entry was posted on May 2, 2015 by .
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