Thoughts from a Weird, Strange, Funny Girl
Many times, listening to your intuition is hard to hear. You subconsciously input every thing you see and do everyday and judge accordingly. Some of it is just so instinctual you might only realize what is happening half way through what you started! Other times, your intuition is just so loud and so crystal clear that it might as well BOOM down the street like a driver listening to rap music.
Sometimes even though we hear our intuition, we ignore it. We plug our fingers and sing “lah lah lah” at the top our lungs. Sometimes we bury it deep within us, thinking we have it hidden forever. But eventually, like a monster from Tales From the Crypt, it digs itself out of its grave. No matter how much you run from it, try to hide from it, your intuition will always knock on your door like a telegram.
So why do we do it then? Why do we run from lets face it, needless suffering? If listening to our intuition is a natural thing to make ourselves happy, then why don’t we do it? Its an interesting question as well as conundrum. For as much as I try to be myself, say exactly what I mean, so very often I seem to be doing the opposite.
I live in a world of halfs. I half don’t care what people think of me, especially strangers, and I half tip toe so I don’t offend people. Lets face it, for as much as I enjoy being a bitch, I don’t enjoy being a bully or down right mean. I don’t want to upset people I like, especially by accident.
But in the end… I have to do what is right for me. I say this because the other day, I defriended around eighty people or so on my Facebook friends list. Most of them were people I sought out to begin with, old class mates, old co-workers, people I knew from various groups, even family members! The guilt I felt after doing so was astounding and yet… very rewarding. Up until this point I had never done a sweep on my friends list before simply for the reason of offending people.
But I couldn’t help but ask myself why? Why do I consider myself friends with these people, people who never make an attempt to reach out and contact me and vice versa? And even the few who I did attempt a few times to talk to, always seemed so one sided.
I knew subconsciously this was the best way for me to let go. To let go of the past and the people in it. The people who are meant to be, will come back and that everything I do in my life doesn’t have to feel so one sided. That I, just like everyone else in this world, deserves to feel appreciated. Its not so much a contest on whom does more for whom but just an act of friendship at all. I always hear that I have to be the bigger person and for once I would rather just let those who want to be in my life be in it, in whatever form they are able to be.