Thoughts from a Weird, Strange, Funny Girl
But when you get down to it, what do we really constitute as a “treat” anymore?
When I was a child, a treat was usually an occasion or a food that I wasn’t commonly allowed to have all the time. It was essentially what the word was defined as. A treat. Treats were almost always linked with positive association thereby feeling happy when I got them. Like feeling happy every Thanksgiving eating pumpkin pie or going to the movies. As I grew older though, treats became less of a treat and more of an expectancy.
And so.., tonight I couldn’t help but wonder… when does a treat no longer become a treat? When does a cookie no longer become a momentarily blissful snack but gluttony? Sure we all have our days where we fall off the wagon and have an surplus of over indulgences but what draws the line from treat and habit?
I ask this because over the past two months (going on three) I have been completely trying to rearrange my eating habits, mainly just trying to eliminate as much processed sugar as I can. Its been a difficult journey and while I am proud of myself from abstaining from soda… I can’t seem to refrain from that nasty little bug… called sugar. It doesn’t help that I work in a bakery and am constantly surrounded by delicious sweets just on the tips of my finger tips. And even though I don’t crave most of what I sell any more, there is always one or two items that I can’t help but become enticed by. And I can never say no.
When I was a little girl, my grandfather told me a story about when he was a boy, he couldn’t wait to grow up so he could eat as many chocolate Hershey bars as he pleased. And one day he said he did. He went to the store, bought twenty chocolate bars and ate them all in a single sitting. Afterwards, he was rushed to the ER to have his stomach pumped and said that was where he met my grandma, a nurse, who took care of him. Now… my grandpa told me a lot of tall tales as a child, and I never was quite sure what was real from fiction. I was a gullible child and he loved to tell stories and teasing me was one of his favorite hobbies. But never the less it was a cute story. The main thing I got from it was, when I am an adult I will do whatever I want! (Within reason of course. I wasn’t planning on going to the ER.) I saw it as, if I should please, I would have dessert at dinner time. I wouldn’t let someone else dictate to me what I could and couldn’t have! The prospects were unlimited.
That probably wasn’t the wisest message to have taken from the story and yet… I did. And the older I became the more boundaries I pushed. Treats became less of a treat and more of an expectancy. And of course with more sugar, and more addicted I became to it, the fatter I became.
The point is in all of this is how do I go back to letting things become a special occasion? I am aware that it is mostly about retraining our brains… and that I need to give myself new rewards. But what about the old ones? What do you cut out and what just becomes less? There is very little that makes me happy as a the first bite out of a piece of chocolate. It’s such a rush of euphoria that I just want to experience again and again. If I were a heroin addict I would be calling it chasing the dragon. As it is, there isn’t much of a difference except, one will kill me slower.
I don’t really have an answer for any of these questions for anyone tonight. These are just random thoughts going through my head and I am still trying to find a solution that I can work with. Most everyone suffers through an addiction of some sort and our own personal demons we must slay. How to slay the sugar beast for the foreseeable future is mine… at least for now.