Thoughts from a Weird, Strange, Funny Girl
No one just wakes up one morning and become fat. They don’t. It’s just not physically possible. So how does it happen? This is a question a lot of people, including us fat people, would like to know.
I couldn’t help but wonder… how did I end up being so fat?
I make it no secret of my love of sweets, especially chocolate. Or sugar. I’m not picky. It’s not like I go out and eat sweets on the hour every hour, but I do have a strong compulsion to have a little bit of chocolate and a couple of soda’s every single day.
“It’s just a little bit of sugar,” I say… except when it’s not. When I am zoning out on the computer, pinning on Pinterest or playing the Sims2 (yes I play the old Sims, I like them better. I find them funnier and I find it funny that the rest of the neighborhood doesn’t age or move away. I like it real but not too real) while watching TV on Netflix, I realize I can drink up to six soda’s in a few hour time period.
“What?!” Is the normal reaction from people.
“That’s insane” is the other. And you are right. That is insane. And I have in one night before, more than once, drunk a whole twelve pack of soda while doing this.
And that ladies and gentleman… is how I became fat. I became fat because of no self control. For mindlessly numbing myself to the rest of the world. It’s the only way I know how to self medicate myself from a world that is endlessly cruel. From not having to deal with feelings or people, for mentally preparing myself for the next day where I have to do it all over again.
I don’t know about other fat people, I can only speak for myself, but I have a feeling that in various ways, this is too how all of us fat people become fat. Because in the grand scheme of the history of the world, the universe, creation of all life, it doesn’t matter how we conduct our eating habits in public. We know that eating one burger and fries isn’t the healthiest choice on the menu, but we also know that, that one burger and those fries aren’t what are really going to contribute to our obesity. So we eat it anyway, in front of you, to make you prove to us otherwise that one bad choice isn’t what will kill us. Because we want a little enjoyment too, a little indulgement in public, without shame, without fear. To be normal.
I don’t want to be bullied on how to eat. I am tired of people preaching about the facts of how much better they are because they don’t eat certain foods that are public pariah’s. Like soda. And chocolate. And sugar. I am fat because I have this insane need and craving for sugar. Because sometimes I feel like I can’t live without it. It’s an addiction and it is my drug. And every grocery store is my dealer who will sell it to me.